Raunch Reviews is a series about profanity. Not real profanity, but speculative swearing. Authors often try to incorporate original, innovative forms of profanity into our own fantastical works as a way to expand the worlds we build. Sometimes we’re successful. Often we’re not. In this series, I examine the faux-profanity from various works of sci-fi and fantasy, judge their effectiveness, and rate them on an unscientific and purely subjective scale. This is Raunch Reviews, welcome.

Raunch Review: The Smurfs
Raunch Review: The Smurfs
The Author: Raja Gosnell & Jordan Kerner
Work in Question: The Smurfs (2011)
The Profanity: “Smurf”

I grew up watching and loving Peyo’s The Smurfs. I had Smurf bed sheets, pajamas, and more. The series holds a special place in my heart, which means it’s hard for me to tackle this one. There are moments in the original when the modified “smurf” is cute. It adds an air of whimsy which works for a species of tiny Belgian pixies. Things can be described as “smurftastic” or “just smurfy.” Or it can get more complex and verbs and nouns can be replaced; when you’re “going to the woods” you could be “smurfing to the smurf.” (All of this is detailed on the Wikipedia page.)

But, the 2011 movie The Smurfs decided to dispense with the charm. “Smurf” ceased replacing nouns and verbs and instead, the word mutated into a faux-profanity. “Smurf” as vulgarity is stupid. (“You smurfed with the wrong girl!”) As an oath, it’s even worse. (“Oh… my… smurf.”) And don’t get me started seeing its use as an intensifier. (“Up the smurfin’ creek without a paddle…”) Yet, that didn’t stop the movie from using “smurf” over and over and over in these contexts. Why remains a mystery. It tears away the whimsical and innocent goofiness from the original use and replaces it with a puerile gag that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. It’s not even offensive in its crudeness—it’s just lazy writing.

This adds nothing to the world, and you could even go as far as saying it takes something away. Detraction is distraction, and that is always bad news on Raunch Reviews. “Smurf” in this instances does nothing to build the lore. There is no connection to the worldbuilding outside a shoddy mimicry of times past. It’s a clumsy intensifier at best, and one of the worst faux-profanities I’ve reviewed. Shame, boo, and… I mean, what did you expect?

Score: Half Swear (0.0)

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Have a suggestion for Raunch Reviews? It can be any made up slang word from a book, television show, or movie. You can email me directly with your recommendation or leave a comment below. I’ll need to spend time with the property before I’ll feel confident reviewing it, so give me a little time. I have a lot of books to read.